The End of an Innocence
by aries03
Summary: The true story of Izzie's daughter. a.n.: Some minor violence in chapter one.
1. Chapter 1

Isabel Stevens is so excited! She had her first modeling job today, and it went superb. The cameras fell in love with her. To add the cherry on top, her fiancé is taking her out to a lovely, hard-to-get-into French restaurant down town. She has the perfect thing to wear. Her favorite little boutique was having a sale, and she picked up this adorable little black dress. It has double spaghetti straps across the back and a teasingly low cut in front. She spent a little more on shoes than normal, but she couldn't resist the two inch stilettos. It was going to be a perfect night, and she wanted to dress for the occasion. She might even wear her grandmother's pearls. Oh, how exciting!

At exactly seven o'clock, the doorbell rings. Her fiancé is always punctual…never a minute late for anything. Oh, and he brought her orchids, her favorite! She lets him in, and he runs a finger through her beautiful blonde hair.

"You are looking stunning tonight, as usual."

Blushing, Izzie replies, "We had better get going. We're going to be late!"

"What's the rush? I want to spend some more time with you first."

He pulls her into his arms and gives her a passionate kiss. When she starts to join in, he holds her closer and runs his hands up and down her back. She starts to pull away.

Still blushing, she insists "Honey, we really should get going. This restaurant is hard to get into, and our reservation is for seven thirty."

"Just give me a few more minutes, darling. I want to savor this moment."

He pulls her close again and this time gets more physical. As much as Izzie wants to go on to the next step, she has always insisted on waiting until marriage. She has no intentions of breaking that rule, no matter how strong the temptation is.

A little more assertively she says, "Honey, enough! We HAVE to get going."

"Oh, come on, honey. You are looking so beautiful tonight. How can I possibly resist? I've waited so long to have you. I can't wait any longer."

"NO! You know my rule about that. I want our wedding night to be special. You will just have to wait."

"Well, sweetheart, that just isn't an option for me anymore."

He forcefully grabs her and pushes her onto the couch. Afterwards, he gets up and leaves her laying there. She is so ashamed. She was in too much shock to fight back. How could he do that to her? She looked at her ruined black dress and her grandmother's pearls scattered all over the floor. She knew she was bleeding, but she couldn't move. All she could do is cry.


	2. Chapter 2

For the next couple days, Izzie hardly moves from the couch. She wouldn't even seek medical attention even though she knows it would be in her best interest. She is still in shock. How could someone who claimed to love her so much hurt her so bad? She couldn't go out in public. He had given her a black eye, and it makes her so ashamed, more so than she already is. She feels that others can see right through her, and she feels so exposed. The only time she spends significant time away from the couch is when she is sitting on the bathroom floor crying. The tattered dress still lies on the floor. Her grandmother's pearl are still scattered throughout. Cleaning them up would be to admit that something actually happened. Izzie wasn't ready to make it that real yet.

A few more days past, and Izzie is forced to leave the house. She has another photo shoot. A girl has to make an income, right? The black eye has almost completely faded. Make-up covers it completely. In the middle of the photo shoot, the director wants her to wear a skimpy bathing suit. The total lack of fabric leaves her feeling exposed again. Her mind flashes back to the other night. She excuses herself, saying she has sudden nausea. She really wasn't lying, either. The past couple of mornings she has been stricken down with nausea. Her appetite has almost completely diminished, and her energy level is almost as low. She takes herself home and falls into the couch again. The dress is still lying on the floor. Her grandmother's pearls are still scattered throughout.

A whole month has now passed. She has entered into a whole other stage of denial. She smiles all of the time and goes out with friends. She is even doing more photo shoots. She doesn't tell anyone of what has happened, and she doesn't let anyone come into her house. She hasn't even told anyone that her fiancé and she are no longer together. One of her friends took her to buy supplies for her wedding, and she went all with it…spending over a hundred dollars for a wedding that will never exist. To the rest of the world, she looks as beautiful as ever. Inside, the turmoil is raging on, constantly stirring at her mind. Her dilapidated dress still lies on the floor. Her grandmother's pearls are still scattered throughout.

Another month has passed. The nausea is getting more and more frequent. Then, another occurrence crosses Izzie's mind: she never had her period last month. Shaking, she goes to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy test. _This couldn't be possible!_ The minutes went by so slowly while she paced the bathroom tiles. _It just couldn't be possible!_ When the three minutes were up, she burst into tears. "Pregnant." All the turmoil exploded outward. Sobbing, she ran out into the living room and picked up her torn dress. She took out a scissors and cut it up into tiny pieces and threw it into the fire place. She got a broom, swept up her grandmother's pearls and threw them in, too.


	3. Chapter 3

It was pouring rain as Izzie knocked on her parents' door.

As her mother opened the door, Izzie exclaims through a shattered voice, "Mom, I'm _pregnant._"

With concerned eyes, her mother ushers her inside and sits her on the couch. Handing her a dry towel and a warm cup of tea, she finally questions, "Honey, what happened?"

With a gush of emotion, the story exploded from deep within her. Her mother was the first person she had talked to about this, and it caused a deep hurt within her. She feels so guilty that she hadn't come forward sooner and even guiltier that she hadn't sought medical attention. She feels like such a disappointment. _What if mom think's I'm a slut?_

"Oh, Izzie. I wish I would have known! I'm so sorry, honey! That's such a horrible thing for anybody to go through, but I never thought it would happen to my own daughter."

"You…you…aren't disappointed in me? I thought I had let you down."

"Oh, honey, there has never been a moment that you have ever let me down. This isn't your fault. Don't let yourself think that for one minute."

"But, Mom…I'm _pregnant_."

"I know, honey, and we'll deal with that, but you must remember—every child, no matter how it is created, is a gift."

Izzie spent the rest of the night in her mother's arms. They just _talked_. They talked about everything but what happened that horrid night. Her mother knew that she needed some distraction to help with the healing process. They would deal with the other issues in the morning. A doctor's appointment would have to be made to assure the pregnancy. Therapy should be arranged. All those details could wait another day. Right now, Izzie just needed to feel the love of a mother…the genuine love of a mother. Nothing else mattered at the moment.


	4. Chapter 4

At the beginning of her third trimester, the doctor finds a startling discovery…twins. Izzie finally is beginning to come to terms with everything that has happened to her. She now views the twins as a blessing, not a curse. However, she is only one person…one person who grew up in a trailer park and is now modeling for money to be able to get a proper education. That wasn't the proper life to introduce twins to, and she also has the incredible fear of the twins growing up to look like their father. She wasn't sure she could deal with that.

It is a chilly March morning as Izzie makes her way into the adoption agency. _Was this the right thing to do? Is it wrong to consider giving up your children?_ Questions burrow into her mind as she made her way towards the reception area.

"Hi. My name is Isabel Stevens. I want to speak with a social worker about possibly putting my twins up for adoption."

Izzie is lead down a long corridor. Those questions burrow deeper and deeper. Even though her mother never taught her much along the religion line, she, herself, developed quit a religious appreciation. _Is it _right_ to give up your children?_

The social worker is a younger woman, appearing to be about Izzie's age. She has a smile that could warm any heart, and that makes Izzie start to feel a little more comfortable. The social worker explains the whole process to Izzie and the importance of making an informed and well thought through decision. It is not a decision to be taken lightly because it will affect the rest of your life.

"Izzie, I know this is a very difficult choice, especially considering the circumstances that have brought you here today. I want you to know that it is possible to regret giving your children up, so you have to be sure to think it through thoroughly. However, there are a lot of wonderful couples out there who cannot have children of their own and by giving a child up for adoption, you would give those couples a chance to raise a child of their own. Please, take a few of these couple applications. Look through potential parents, and maybe it will help you make a decision."

Izzie reluctantly takes the application folders from the social worker, thanks her, and begins the journey back down the long corridor. This is not going to be an easy decision, but it is a decision that needs to be made…and soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Izzie is sitting at her dining room table looking at couple applications as she had for several weeks. She opened the next one, and her heart skipped a beat. The application included a picture of the couple, and they were beautiful. They have this warm look to them that was lacking in the other applications. They wrote that the woman had a hysterectomy early in life, and they had never been able to even try for a child of their own. They were well-to-do, from a nice neighborhood, and both came from large families. Something about them…well…it just felt right. She immediately got on the phone to notify the social worker.

A couple weeks later, Izzie is alone on the couch when she started feeling contractions. No! It's still a couple weeks too early! This cannot be happening right now! Then, another contraction followed by another. They are regular and unaffected by change in position. This has to be it! She immediately calls her mother to take her to the hospital.

10 hours later, Izzie gives birth to a 6 lb. 2 oz. baby girl and 4 lb 0 oz baby boy. The baby girl at a Apgar score of 8 and was taken to the nursery. However, the baby boy had an apgar of only 3. His color is blue. His respirations are irregular. They quickly work the clear the airway passage and deliver oxygen via a pediatric mask. However, his color is not improving. They wrap him in a warm, swaddling blanket and wait for instruction. His heart rate, less than 100 to begin with, is now dropping at a steady rate. His muscle tone goes limp. They rush him to the NICU and intubate him. His stats, although still very critical, begin to stabilize. They place him in the incubator and await further tests.

Once Izzie is cleared to leave the hospital bed, she goes to check in on the infant boy. At that moment, his oxygen level begins to plummet, and the nurse and doctor come rushing in. They do the very best job that they can, but the poor baby boy doesn't make it. Tears pour down Izzie's face, and something inside her clicks. A sudden feeling of release flooded over Izzie as she sobbed unconditionally for the lost child and the loss of an innocence…the baby's and her own.

After a period of intense grieving, Izzie takes one last look at the baby and walks away. As short-lived as that little life was, it was a noble life, indeed. His life, and unfortunate death, begins a tidal wave of healing over Izzie as she walks out to tell the adopting couple of the tragic loss of the baby boy and the fighting courage of their new baby girl.

Years later, Izzie sits in her pediatrics class and thinks back to a past she would much rather forget. There are sometimes when she regrets giving her daughter up for adoption, but then she remembers how very much she was lacking and how much that couple had to give. She had this gut feeling that the baby girl is living a fulfilling life full of happiness.

She thinks of that baby boy often and sometimes, when she least expects it, she feels him watching down upon her, keeping her safe, and she smiles. His was a noble life, indeed.

The End


End file.
